Another “short” story based on actual events. These story are written mainly to entertain myself. They could use the touch of an editor. Hope I can entertain some of you out there.
When Che got out of bed his head was still wheeling from drinks and jet lag from the night before. Carlos and his sister Violeta were speaking a hundred miles and hour in Spanish or so it sounded to his unaccustomed ears.
It was only after a breakfast consisting of tortillas, eggs, bacon and coffee, really good Columbia coffee, brought directly from Columbia by Violeta two days before, that Che found out the day of activities were made to take Violeta shopping.
This became apparent when Violeta was standing in front of Che with pocketbook in hand. “Vamanos” she said.
Che looked up and smiled.
“Shopping.” She said in English with a Spanish accent.
Carlos joins in the “conversation” to explain, “My sister needs new clothes for the wedding, I’m busy today and beside I’m too mucho to go into a dress shop.”
Che replies, “What about me”?
Carlos was already prepared for this type of protest, “Take my car, my Porsches 901 Carrera, pretend Violeta is your girlfriend and it’s early in the relationship.”
The logic being that at the beginning of the relationship men will go clothes shopping with a woman as a form of early bonding.
All Che was thinking about was how he was going to get to drive a high-powered sports car. Even though the model emblem said this Porsches was a 901 it was really a 911. Peugeot had claims to the 901 name so Porsches changed it to 911 to avoid infringing on Peugeot naming scheme. As a result only a few Porsches’ used the 901 name back in 1982.
The garage door opened Che turns the ignition, the powerful motor revs. The T-top was off for a few reasons; it was a nice day, as mention before, and it was a PORSCHES !! Che knew from a past encounter with Violeta that an enclosed car could not provide adequate space for the arm flaying of Violeta.
Violeta gave all the appearance of a crazy Columbia chick. She was very animated when she spoke, constantly using her hands and arms to express herself, as if in a state of perpetual ataxia. Maybe all that Columbian coffee had something to do with it. Che sometimes call her “Violent” instead of Violeta because of this.
. In her face one could see the beauty of an ancient indigenous people with her atavistic features mixed with a modern European. She could not express herself well in English so she had the amazing ability to reduce terms into the simplest thought.
Che first met her a couple years back in Jamaica while standing on a beach in Negril. In the distance Che could see a white horse galloping at the surf’s edge. As the rider came closer Che field of view filled with a beautiful dark skinned girl wearing a coral green bikini. With camera in hand Che captured the moment.
Violeta did not pack many clothes in her suitcase. The suitcase contained mostly food related items like cheeses and of course coffee. Going through customs with rounds of cheese is always a challenge since chesses mimics’ plastic explosives on the x-ray machine. It’s only after customs officials have cut and sniff the product are they satisfied that she is not a revolutionary. Immigration and customs officials see this often so it only a matter of routine for them.
Che looks into Violeta’s dark brown eyes and says, “Listo” (ready)
“Si, vamanos” (let’s go)
With caution Che drives onto the blacktop. Che has been it this city before so he knows his way around. This is good because this classic Porsches did not come with a navigation system. Since we need to go to the Hispanic part of town to shop it’s better to stay on the surface streets.
The radio is on immediately already preset to the Raggaeton station. Violeta is now dancing out of her seat and singing to a song called Oye Mi Canto,
♫ ♪ Whoa…Whoa…Whoa…Whoa
What U Say?
♫ ♪ Boriqua, Morena, Dominicano, Colombiano,
Boriqua, Morena, Cubano, Mexicano
Oye Mi Canto
♫ ♪ ♫ ♪
Life is good right now if only Che could get out of the city traffic so he can get the car out of third gear. Che has mapped out the return trip home, for this Che will use the freeway.
Several bags of new clothes later we are on the way to the restaurant to meet Carlos and other people. Violeta being the impulsive person she is wants to put on a new blouse. Not being shy she removes her old blouse, confirming to Che that her tits where firm (She puts the firm in confirm). Che begins to wonder if girls who ride horses a lot all have such firm breast. Violeta was part of the equestrian team, one of the few times Che has seen her serious and discipline.
“Mirar.” (Look) Violeta says as she holds two of the most perfect breast Che ever see. The areolas were the size of a silver dollar, the color of coffee with light cream, the nipples dark like black coffee.
Che pretended not to look by covering his face with his hand, of course the fingers where split open at the eyes. It was at this moment that a flash of light caught the corner of Che’s eye. The realization being that a red light camera had just snapped a picture of this whole scene.
“Oh no!” “We just got out picture taken at the last light” Che explains to Violeta. He shows her at another red light the sign that warns that a red light camera is in use. Then Che gives a great big smile to the now calm and dressed Violeta.
Che explains his grin, “Violeta, Carlos will not be getting a ticket in the mail, this car has no front license plate.” “All they are going to get is a picture of your chi chis (tits).”
The Porsches was built for use in Europe. This position the front license plate holes for what was standard in Europe. No one who owned the car previously had bothered to adapt new holes for a standard USA plate, only the back plate holder was modified. With this good news everything was back to normal. The radio was back on; Violeta became sexually playful in a good-natured kind of way.
“Me novio” (My boyfriend) She says while playing with Che’s ear, fully going along with Carlos’ reasoning for Che to take her shopping.
The ear playing was giving Che goose bumps. All this was going on while Che was in traffic. It was necessary to drive through the city in order to meet up with Carlos and others at the Creekside restaurant. Che felt her hand in between his legs tugging at the zipper.
“Violeta we’re in the middle of the city” It was at this moment that Che stalled the Porsches in the middle of the intersection.
Not just any old intersection but an intersection known as the infamous Spaghetti Bowl, so called because traffic filled this intersection from six directions.
Quickly Che had to restart the car, Violeta was distracting Che since her hand was still in his crotch. Che turns the key, this was the original key to this car, the metal had become fatigued, the key snaps off and breaks. Now dangling the key chain in front of Violeta Che says, “mirar!” (look!)
Now Violeta shows some concern not only for the situation of being stalled in a major intersection but also because she can see over Che’s left shoulder that a “policeman” was approaching.
She whispers, “policia” Che mind is too preoccupied to take in what Violeta has just said.
Che’s brain is now working faster than the fastest computer to solve his predicament. In Che’s mind he says, I’ve got a Swiss Army Knife in my pocket. What came out of Che’s mouth was a more edited version of this thought. “I got a knife”
Yes, those are the exact words Che shouted out excitedly, unfortunately this was at the same time an overweight Hispanic lesbian city cop with an over sized gun approached the car. The cop did have ‘butch haircut’ and ‘boxer shorts panty line’ so Che felt his assumption was justified.
“Put your hands where I can see them” the cop commanded as she put one hand on her side arm.
Che’s hand was already coming out of his pocket with the Swiss Army Knife; he had selected the bottle opener tool.
Now realizing he’s got a pissed off lesbo cop standing by his side he calculates the situation. Once again with computer like speed thinking, “What if this overweight apparently lesbian, Hispanic cop with a big gun is menstruating.” Che thought all mean looking women were on their period. Che gave himself a mental high five for not blurting this out loud. This did no good since the smirk on his face gave his thoughts away.
“No, no officer, the key broke in the ignition, I’m using my Swiss Army Knife to give me leverage to turn the ignition.” In an instance Che had the car started again. The lady cop was no longer concern with me her eyes where now fixated on the beautiful Violeta, some words in Spanish were exchanged between them. No doubt Violeta was declaring our innocents.
The light was about turn red again, I did not want to be in the intersection when the cross traffic started to move.
“Vamanos” the lady cop urgently said.
“Adios muchacha.” Che’s replied.
The restaurant was not much further; several blocks up then cross one street and turn right up another street to approach the restaurant correctly on the one-way street.
Che being a lucky guy who always came out of these situations smelling like a rose; this time it was no exception. On the block before the restaurant was a locksmith shop with a parking space right in front of the store. This solved two problems; a new key could be made once the locksmith extracted the broken part of the key with the teeth also here was a parking space in a city where good parking spaces are hard to come by. Plus the obvious bonus that Rusty the locksmith will keep an eye on this classic Porsches.
Che and Violeta walk into the restaurant at the exact planned time, I say planned time because Carlos and Che had conspired this itinerary a week ago. This was not just a lunch meeting; it was a surprise birthday party for Violeta.
Three tables joined together with eight friends and relatives, it was a perfect day for outside dining. The deck overhung the slope of the creek side; the creek was babbling fifteen feet below us. Growing above the built in bench was a thick set of Trumpet vines with flowers in full bloom. This protected people from falling into the creek below.
Greetings were exchanged, then like two raconteurs one in Spanish, one in English the events of our morning were played out; the red light camera, the expose breast, the broken key, the incident in the intersection with the lady lesbian cop, the luck with the parking space in front of the locksmith. It was all a good laugh before lunch was served.
At a quiet moment after all the excitement Che reached for his ever-present backpack with camera equipment. Here Che pulled out a gift, wrapped from the Sunday comics. This was Che way of being funny because a young Violeta learned English by reading American comic books and Sunday funnies.
Violeta neatly broke the tape; she wanted to read the funnies later. She pulls out the gift, it’s a well framed photo of the day on the beach in Jamaica where Che had first seen Violeta; high on top of the white stallion the girl in the coral green bikini, the light blue Caribbean Sea and a sailboat in the distance. This is the first time she had ever seen this photo. She was obviously touched; her big brown eyes became misty. This might also be due to what Che whispered in her ear, “When I saw you on the beach that day I thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world. Now today and the rest of the week I want to get to know you better.”
This is one of the few times Che had said the right thing at the right time. In future adventures with other women this was not always so.
After paying Rusty the locksmith ten dollars and many muchas gracias they were on the road again. This time Che headed for the highway so he could go balls out in this sports car; a few more red lights in the city before the onramp.
It was at the second light, one right turn away from the onramp that Che heard woop woop, of a police siren. In the rear view mirror there she was looking mean has ever was the zoftig police lady. This time she had a paper in her hand it was flapping in the breeze as she walked towards the car. Che thought it strange that she went to the passenger side of the car.
“I’ve been looking for you,” were the first words out of her mouth.
Che has already summed up that this has to do with going through the red light. It didn’t take much of Che’s photo expertise to see that in her hand was a computer print out of a photograph.
The lady lesbian cop explained to us how the private company who is contracted by the municipality is very aggressive in getting paid. When the technician saw the car had no front license plate they sent out this photo to the traffic division.
“So you think this photo is of us officer?” Che was making an effort to create reasonable doubt.
Che continued, “I don’t see any faces in this photo, there is a driver with a hand covering his face, there is obviously a women in the passenger seat, her head is turned towards the driver, this could be a photo of any number of people.” “Then there is more that one red Porsches in the county.” Of course Che was stretching the truth because an expert would conclude that this is a rare model Porsches to be in the USA. It was obvious to every one we were the guilty party.
Violeta, still with her birthday party margarita buzz on, is now offering to open her new blouse to compare tits to those in photos. Che speculates that this mitigate the situation.
The three of us are laughing now because we all can see where this is going. It was time to play the birthday ‘card’. “But it’s her birthday today.” Che is now testing if there is any flexibility to the situation. It was at this point Che read the name tag of the policewomen, Manuela Garcia. Che is now laughing in his head at the fact that she has the word ‘man’ as part of her name. Che gives himself another high five so not blurting this out live.
Manuela snaps back, “To bad she’s not driving because I’ve been known to give people breaks on their birthday.”
The photo of Violeta’s breast smites a sneak peak that maybe Manuela’s cramps have stopped and she might be a decent human being after all.
Some Spanish is now going on between Violeta and Manuela, Che can only imagine that Violeta is offering once again to expose her breast to Manuela. In the end we found out that she really was a lesbian and was not going to sexually victimize Violeta. The banter now became friendly. Violeta shows Manuela her birthday presents, including the framed photo Che had given her.
Manuela’s radio crackled; there was a minor accident downtown, she had to leave.
“It’s been nice talking to you, I’m needed somewhere else, so why don’t you frame this picture to remind you of your birthday.” Manuela handed us the photo, which was not bad quality, for a red light photo. It could be scan into Photoshop then cleaned up with minimal effort.
With that done Che had to retract all the smart-alecky thoughts he had in is subconscious in reference to Manuela. This time Che did express his appreciative thoughts of Manuela ‘out loud’.
The Porsches now on the onramp ready to merge, time to blow some carbon out of the dual exhaust. The radio was off so Che could hear the RPMs run out, had to keep his eyes on the road at the expected metric equivalent of top speed of 130 mph about to be performed.
A glance over to Violeta before the series of gear changes, at that moment Che thought he could let out a silent fart. Even in an open car one could smell the breakfast bacon and the lunchtime curry chicken. Violeta smiles and says, El viento negro.” (The black wind) They both laugh as the Porsches accelerate into fifth gear hoping to escape this black wind.
